


Secrets and Lies

by HyzenthlayHazel



Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, some smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2019-10-27 23:22:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17776175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyzenthlayHazel/pseuds/HyzenthlayHazel
Summary: She was so frustrated with herself for being so stupid.  For losing control of her emotions.  For letting this happen at the worst possible time. For the first time in her memory, she found herself wishing that she were a simple person with a simple job and a boring life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will get dark, and there is a fair amount of angst - but hopefully it will be worth it in the end 😬
> 
> St. Matthew’s bombing didn’t happen.

Julia startled at the knock on the bathroom door, “You okay? You’ve been holed up in there all morning”  
She sighed shakily, still clutching the object of her despair in her hand. She needed to collect herself before she could answer him. Summoning all of her political training, she finally cleared her throat and answered, “I’m fine David, I’ll be out in a few minutes. Bad hair day.”  
Having bought herself a few more minutes, she returned her attention to the small piece of plastic in her hand. If she was honest with herself, she had known even before she looked what it was going to say. Had known for weeks, in fact. The signs were all there, and they hadn’t exactly been careful – especially at first – yet she still dreaded the confirmation, as if she were some form of schrodinger's cat, and not knowing would enable her to exist in both states. She’d put off taking the test for far longer than she should have, attributing the symptoms to stress, food poisoning, sleep deprivation. Julia Montague was not one to avoid her problems. She prided herself on facing challenges head on, but this well and truly threw her for a loop.  
She wrapped the pregnancy test in toilet paper, shoved it to the bottom of the waste basket and stood to finish getting ready for work, bracing herself against the counter to compensate for her suddenly shaky legs.  
“Shit.”

* * *

David watched intently as Julia conducted her morning meetings. At work, she was the consummate professional. Nobody noticed when she skipped her morning tea, or held back for a moment, gripping the edge of the table before leaving the meeting room. Nobody but David. She had been acting off lately, especially with him. They weren’t having sex as often as they usually did, and when they did, she wasn’t her usual confident self. She seemed reticent. And then there was her behavior that morning. Typically, she would leave the bathroom door open as she got ready, and he liked to watch her get dressed and primp for the day, but this morning, she had hurried into the en-suite before he’d woken and locked herself in for the whole morning. He wasn’t sure what had changed between them, and he had no idea how to talk to her about it. The thought that she could be drifting away from him hurt more than he thought it would. When their tryst first began, they both knew it was untenable, assumed it wouldn’t last, but even then they had been somehow more to each other than just sex. He wasn’t sure when she’d become so important to him, and he didn’t know what to call what they had, but he knew he didn’t want to lose it. He needed to clear the air between them, one way or another.

* * *

By the time Julia got home, it was late and she was exhausted. David had insisted on making dinner as she finished up her work on the couch and he brought a plate to the coffee table, along with a glass of her favorite Sauvignon Blanc, before seating himself next to her to tuck into his own meal.  
“Thank you David, this looks delicious”  
Julia leaned in to take a bite, and the smell of the wine hit her nostrils, bringing with it an overwhelming wave of nausea.  
She sat up quickly, taking a deep breath and trying to quell the urge to vomit, but ultimately had to rush to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before wrenching up the few biscuits she had eaten earlier. She hadn’t had time to close the door, and by the time she stood up David was standing in the doorway with a concerned look on his face.  
“Sorry, it’s not your cooking, I promise. My stomach just hasn’t been the same since that food poisoning incident last week”  
David nodded, though she could see that he wasn’t quite buying her story, but she didn’t have the energy to try to convince him further. She made her way to the sink to rinse her mouth. David sidled up behind her as she splashed water on her face and began gently rubbing her shoulders.  
“You sure you’re okay? You haven’t been acting yourself lately.”  
Julia sighed, as good as his hands felt as they kneaded at her fatigued muscles, his affection only deepened the guilt she felt at deceiving him.  
She placed a hand over his, and looked at him through the mirror, “I’m fine, I promise. I’m just a bit more stressed than usual. I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you.”  
David made a face for just a moment, and she knew that he could tell she was still holding back, he always could. But he didn’t press further. Instead he faked a smile, “Well there’s plenty of time to make it up to me, if you’re feeling better”  
He leaned in, kissing her neck and one of his hands slid down to her breast, cupping it gently and Julia gasped in pain. She turned quickly in his arms, hoping he would mistake her painful reaction for a pleasurable one. If he noticed, he didn’t let on, just pressed his lips to hers hungrily. She opened her mouth for him, letting him lift her onto the counter and pull her shirt over her head before ripping his open and shoving it off his shoulders.  
They fucked there on the counter – every ounce of sexual frustration that had built between them over the past weeks releasing itself in the form of desperate thrusts and bites and moans. Afterward, David carried her to the bedroom and they made love on her bed and Julia had to hold back tears at how gentle he was with her, almost like he was trying to heal the bruises their earlier session had left with reverent strokes and delicate kisses. It was all too much and the pregnancy hormones were only intensifying it. As they lay in bed afterward, David nodding off behind her, the tears did come. She knew she couldn’t hide from David much longer. He definitely suspected something, and in addition to the uncontrollable nausea, her bras were already bursting at the seams. She was so frustrated with herself for being so stupid. For losing control of her emotions. For letting this happen at the worst possible time. She knew what she had to do, and she knew she couldn’t delay it much longer. For the first time in her memory, she found herself wishing that she were a simple person with a simple job and a boring life.

The next morning she sat uncomfortably at her desk in her large glass office, pointedly avoiding David’s gaze as she picked up the phone, “Hello, I need to schedule a procedure…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please bear with me! I know this took me forever to update, but I will try to have the next chapter up by the weekend. Hope you enjoy it!

David knew. Between the vomiting, the moodiness and her obviously sore, swollen breasts, her behavior over the past few weeks suddenly made sense. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t put the pieces together sooner, especially having been through it twice with Vicky. But then Vicky hadn’t tried to hide it, and before the other night, Julia hadn’t let him near her in over a week. The clincher for him had been when he’d caught her crying over a broken glass. He’d considered confronting her about it, but he knew that would only lead to her shutting him out completely. His only course of action was to wait her out, and in the meantime, ensure she knew he wasn’t going to abandon her. She couldn’t hide from him forever. He sighed as he watched her, the glass walls of her office creating an invisible barrier between them. He could see her, but couldn’t touch her or hear her. Couldn’t reach her. She’d been avoiding eye contact all day. She was impossible when she wanted to be, and he couldn’t even vent to anyone about it. Then again, neither could she. If she would just open up to him, then they could figure it out together, but Julia Montague would never make anything that easy. He shook his head almost imperceptibly, casting a glance at a group of aides rushing past him through the hallway.  
The rest of the day went by in a blur. Meeting after meeting, multiple trips to the bathroom, Julia pointedly ignoring him throughout. She barely acknowledged him as he performed his usual sweep of her apartment.

“All clear, ma’am”

“Thank you, David”

They were the first words she’d said to him since they’d left the flat that morning. She’d seemed even more on edge today than she had been over the past few weeks. Like she was waiting for some terrible fate to befall her. He hadn’t seen her like this since just after the shooting. It broke him. He reached out for her hand, squeezing it gently as his other palm slid across her cheek to cup her face, forcing her to look at him, “You know you can talk to me. You haven’t scared me off yet”

She gave him a tight smile, almost a grimace, and he could see the glistening of unshed tears in her eyes as they met his for the briefest moment before she pulled away from him.

“You’d better get going. I don’t want to keep you from your children”

David sighed, frustrated. Leaving her in this state was the last thing he wanted to do, but he knew that if he stayed they would only end up fighting. She had already closed herself off and he could feel the bitter sting of rejection seeping into his demeanor.

“Goodnight, Julia.”

“Goodnight”

Her reply left him almost as cold as the night air that embraced him as he slipped out of her apartment building. He was thankful that he had the next two days off to be with his kids. Maybe the space would do them good. Maybe it would give them both a chance to sort through their feelings before mutually confronting this daunting new reality that they now faced. He sighed. Either way, it was going to be a long week.

* * *

The metallic chill of the exam table seemed to leach through the wax paper cover and directly into Julia’s flesh. She tugged at the edge of her thin hospital gown, feeling incredibly exposed and alone. Not only was David not by her side, he couldn’t even know. She’d had to lie to him and scheme behind his back to schedule an appointment that coincided with his time with Ella and Charlie. She couldn’t confide her fears or feelings to him – or to anyone, for that matter. She couldn’t eve let him know anything was out of the ordinary. She bit her lip hard, trying to hold back the tears that kept threatening to overwhelm her. She had never had close female friends, and the men who gravitated toward her either wanted influence or sex, or both. Until David, she had gotten used to being on her own. Repressing her emotions until they burst forth in the form of a tirade against a poor, unsuspecting aide who had wronged her in some trivial way. David had provided her with an outlet, both sexual and emotional. They had gone to each other when they needed comfort, affection, human contact. They had made a habit of ending their evenings with wine, casual conversation and hot, clandestine sex. Then, somewhere along the line, casual conversation had turned to deep discussion, and clandestine sex had turned to passionate lovemaking. He had become more than just an outlet. He had burrowed his way into her cold, Tory heart and made a home for himself there. And now she was risking losing him forever. She knew that if he found out, they would be finished. The tenuous trust they had build could not survive the secret abortion of a fetus he’d unwittingly helped create. But she also knew that saddling their fledgeling and still-secret relationship with an unplanned pregnancy was a risky proposition in and of itself – not to mention the effect it would have on the career that she had sacrificed so much to build, or the toll it would take on David’s job prospects. He was still not technically divorced, for fuck’s sake, and the timing of the pregnancy would remove any doubt as to when they had begun their affair. Media would be all over them. They were both better off this way. Yet, even as she sat on the metal table in the ridiculous gown they’d provided for her, repeatedly reassuring herself that this was for the best, she felt something inside of her crumbling at the thought of ending this thing they had created together. Part of her felt like she was taking his family away all over again. A light rap on the door broke her from her thoughts and she looked reluctantly up from her lap as a tall, austere-looking woman swept into the room.  
“Hi, Julia? I’m Dr. Coburn”

 

* * *

“Daddy, pass the popcorn!” Ella prodded him with her elbow, pulling David’s attention from the TV.

“Here you go, Love” he handed the popcorn to his daughter before relaxing back into the couch and tightening his arms around the shoulders of his children. The movie they had coerced him to let them watch was truly awful - something about a cartoon teacher who transformed into a superhero and wore underpants on his head – but spending time with them made him happy nonetheless. Their presence, however, didn’t stop his mind from wandering back to his situation with Julia. He wondered how he would broach the topic of a potential sibling to them when they weren’t even aware Julia existed. No part of this was going to be easy. He didn’t want to think about what Vicky would say, much less the media. He had no idea what this was going to mean for his career, or if he would even have one for much longer. The thought had crossed his mind that life would be a lot simpler without this new complication. But when he thought beyond the initial inconvenience, when images of Julia holding their newborn or his kids playing with their little brother or sister fulled his mind, he couldn’t repress the smile that spread across his face. He knew it was ludicrous, but this felt like a new opportunity to build the family that he could no longer have with Vicky. He’d yearned for this. He’d missed chunks of Ella’s and Charlie’s childhoods while he was deployed, and afterward when he and Vicky separated, but he wouldn’t have to miss a second of this child’s life. He could do everything right this time. His relationship with Julia was still new, but he knew how he felt about her. He knew they could make it work, if he could convince her to let them try.  
Charlie laid a tired head on his shoulder and he pressed a kiss into his hair, squeezing him gently against his side as he drifted into sleep.  
David felt a wave of emotion wash over him as held his kids close and imagined a third – Julia’s features mixed with his own as his mind created various images of their future child. He was aware, on some level, that he was getting ahead of himself. He needed temper his expectations, especially considering the fact that Julia had yet to even acknowledge her pregnancy to him, but his heart had already set itself without his permission. He wanted this.

* * *

Vicky ran a hand through her hair as she glanced at the clock. Halfway through her evening and it felt like she’d been at work for days. This was the last time she agreed to cover a night shift. Just as she made to turn toward admin to pick up her next chart, a familiar figure caught her eye as she slipped toward the back exit with her one-man entourage.  
“Home Secretary?”

Julia winced, she had almost made it out without being recognized. She considered just ignoring this woman and continuing out the door, but the protection officer at her side had already given her away. She sighed and turned, slowly. It was only when she saw the nurse’s name tag that she realized just how fucked she was. Shit.

She smiled, tightly, and offered her hand “Julia Montague”

“It’s great to meet you, actually! I think you know my husband – er, ex. David Budd?”

Julia nodded, “Right, you’re David’s wife! Pleased to meet you. I think he mentioned that you were a nurse.”  
Fuck. He had mentioned it, but she thought he’d said Vicky worked at the hospital, not a small, private OBGYN clinic outside the city.

Vicky smiled, “Well, I just…I thought I recognized you from the news, and I wanted to introduce myself and say thank you. David suspected that you had a hand in getting Charlie into the special education program. It’s really done wonders for him. We’re so grateful!”

A genuine smile made its way to Julia’s face at that, but it was short-lived. She took a deep breath and leaned in, placing a hand on Vicky’s shoulder, “I’m happy to have been able to help. Listen, it’s been wonderful to meet you, but I’m afraid I have to rush off”, she paused, glancing between her PO and Vicky for a moment before continuing, “and now, I hope you won’t mind doing me a small favor. Don’t mention this to Sergeant Budd? He would not approve of me being out at this hour in a public place. I’d never hear the end of it.”

Vicky tilted her head, regarding Julia carefully, “Yeah, that sounds like him. Don’t worry Home Secretary, you’re secret’s safe with me.”

Julia let out a breath more loudly than she’d intended to as her hand slid from the other woman’s shoulder, “Thank you Vicky. I appreciate your discretion.”

Vicky just nodded, watching as she turned and hurried out the door. Julia’s request made her uneasy. Something about the lame excuse, and the almost desperate way she’d delivered it, launched a sinking feeling in Vicky’s stomach.

“Hey Allie,” Vicky greeted briskly, trying to appear nonchalant, “what was the patient in 206 here for? I just need to follow up on something”

“One sec”

Her fingers tapped restlessly on the counter as her colleague pulled up the information.

“Looks like a D&C”

Vicky felt the color drain from her face. An abortion. The Home Secretary had come in for an abortion.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revelations and confrontations.

Julia sighed as she sunk into the warm, scented water of the bath. She needed to wash the last traces of the doctor’s office off of her skin. She wished she could wash it from her memory, too. Guilt and anxiety had been welling inside of her all day, but they peaked at the moment she asked the wife of her secret lover to lie to him for her about a pregnancy she had hidden from him. She couldn’t stop replaying her run-in with Vicky and the look on Vicky’s face when she promised not to mention it to David. Julia had no idea if Vicky could be taken at her word; David rarely spoke of her, and when he did, it was in vague references and or in regard to carpool scheduling. She had to assume Vicky would tell him. She was going to have to talk to him, and that thought was enough to strike full-blown panic in her already sleep-deprived and hormone-laden mind. She took a deep breath and slid down, further enveloping herself in the bath, letting the heat soothe her muscles and her mind. She let her mind wander to the last good bath she’d had. It had been the night of the Thornton Circus attack. The first night she and David had had sex. He’d embraced her, comforted her, kissed her, and when he felt her trembling against him, he had led her to the en-suite and run her a bath. She let her head fall back as she remembered the tender way his hands had slid across her skin, caressing her shoulders, collar bone, thighs, pulled her hand to his face and pressed slow kisses to the inside of her wrist until the water cooled around her. Afterward, he had helped her out, wrapped her in the fluffy hotel robe and led her to the bedroom, where they’d made love. He’d been so gentle with her that night, the night that had started all of this. Julia felt tears stinging her eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time that week and she pulled her knees to her chest and finally let them come.

* * *

Vicky glanced at her phone for what must have been the 40th time that morning, then returned to gazing blankly at the TV, her foot bouncing nervously against the leg of the coffee table. David would be there any minute. Her stomach had been in knots all night. She had made a promise, and she hated breaking promises – could even lose her job for breaking this particular promise, but she had to find out what was going on. She needed reassurance that this wasn’t what it seemed…and yet something in her gut was telling her that was a reassurance she would not receive.  
The doorbell shook her from her thoughts, and she rushed to the door, gripping the door frame and taking a breath to steady her nerves before answering it.  
“Hey”, she greeted tersely as the kids threw their arms around her enthusiastically before running into the house.  
David handed her their bags and backpacks, nodding at her politely before turning to leave.  
“Wait,” Vicky called after him, “we need to talk”  
David turned and tilted his head inquisitively.  
“Inside”  
He nodded, “Aye, all right”.  
She shooed the kids upstairs before leading him to the living room. They each perched awkwardly at opposite ends of the couch, and sat in silence for a moment before David finally broke it.  
“What’s up Vick? You said we needed to talk, so talk”  
Vicky sighed, looking past him at the picture on the wall behind his head. “How’s your job going, David?”  
He shot her a confused look, “Fine”  
“So you like her, then? The Home Secretary? You get along well.”  
David paused, “Vicky, I’m not sure what this is about, but-“  
“Dave, I need to know what’s going on between you two.”  
David just sat a moment looking at her with his mouth agape. She could tell he was trying to decide whether or not to deny it, and that in itself answered her question. “Look Vicky, I’m not sure what you’ve heard-“  
“I’ve been picking up extra shifts outside the hospital. Kate got me a part time job at a private clinic on weekends. I uh, I shouldn’t even be telling you this, but…I saw her there. Julia was there on Saturday evening”  
“Okay”, he nodded slowly, eager for her to continue  
“It’s an OBGYN clinic, Dave,” she paused, watching his face for a reaction, “I checked with admin, she was there for an abortion.”  
All of the color drained from David’s face, his eyes glazing over as he took in the information Vicky was giving him, and she felt tears welling in her won as she observed his response.  
“But you know what the really weird thing is, Dave? She asked me, specifically asked me, not to tell you. What am I supposed to think about that?”  
The muscles in his jaw rippled against his skin as he clenched it, “Look Vick, this really isn’t your business”  
She scoffed, “My husband knocks up his boss and it’s none of my business?”  
“We’re separated, Vicky. At your request. You’ve got some bloke sleeping over. Don’t you dare start in on me with this.”  
Vicky sighed, letting her head fall back against the couch, “I don’t want to fight about this, Dave. I’m not angry that you’re seeing someone, but she’s your boss. You’ve only even known her for a few months and you got her pregnant? David, think about your kids! Think about your career, her career! What were you thinking?”  
David laughed bitterly, “I guess none of that matters anyway, does it? She’s already taken care of it.”  
He cast his gaze toward the window and as she watched him fight his emotions, a sense of regret began to creep into her mind.  
“Dave…shit. I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t have told you, but I do worry about you. Are you sure you’re ready for a relationship right now?”  
David didn’t reply, and she placed a gentle hand on his cheek to turn his face back to hers.  
“Do you love her?”  
David pulled away from her, stiffening against the arm of the couch, “I have to go. Tell the kids I love them and I’ll see them in a few days”  
“Dave!”, she tried to grab his arm, but he was already halfway to the door  
“I have to go, Vick”, and with that, the door slammed closed behind him.

* * * 

David rushed up the steps to her building, not even caring what it looked like that he was showing up at her flat on a Sunday in plainclothes. He couldn’t be bothered with keeping up appearances. He needed answers. He rapped briskly at her door and waited, jaw clenched, ready for a confrontation. What he was not ready for was the sight that greeted him when’s he opened the door. It was 11:37 in the morning, and Julia was still in her robe, hair tousled, dark circles under her eyes. She looked as though she hadn’t slept in days. He had never seen her like this. She looked up at him with wide, wet eyes, and he had to fight the urge to pull her into his arms. He always went to pieces when she cried, but he couldn’t let himself succumb this time.   
“David”, her voice cracked a bit, “Come in. We need to talk”  
“Yeah, I’d say we do”, he brushed past her.  
She sighed shakily, following him to the living room and leaning against the wall across from him.  
“You’ve spoken to Vicky”  
“Aye, Julia, I have. Were you even going to tell me? Did you think I might have deserved to know?”  
“David, I wasn’t…”, he could see the tears fighting their way to the surface, “You deserved not to know”  
He threw his hands in the air and stepped closer to her, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Julia?”  
“I didn’t…want to burden you. I didn’t want you to have to feel what I was feeling. But when I sat on that table…”, tears were running freely down her cheeks now as she tugged the thin satin robe tighter around herself.  
“So you’re in control, then, right? You get to make the decision. You know what’s best”  
Her face hardened at that and she made eye contact with him for the first time, “Yes, David. I make the decision. It’s my body. I have to live with the consequences. It is my choice”  
He shook his head bitterly, “Oh we all have to live with the consequences of your choices, Julia.”  
She narrowed her eyes, “What do you mean by that?”  
“Well that’s how you’ve always lived, isn’t it? You make a decision, and guys like me go to war. You make another decision, and security services can read our emails. They’re all just ‘decisions’ to you, right? Consequences only exist in theoretical terms”  
Julia’s expression changed from defiant to hurt and he knew he’d hit a nerve, “David, if that’s what you really think of me, maybe you should go”  
“Maybe you’re right”, he moved toward the door, but paused before opening it, “You know, I’m not an idiot. I knew you were pregnant. All you had to do was talk to me. I wanted the baby, I wanted you both, but I would have supported you, whatever decision you made. I just wanted to be included in the process Julia. I wanted you to let me in.”

Julia watched him go, holding onto her composure as best she could before sliding down the wall into a heap of sobs. No one had ever affected her this way. She and Roger had had some knock down, drag out fights, but none of them had ever ended in tears – not hers anyway. She gripped the back of the couch, pulling herself back to her feet and immediately felt her stomach contents rising in her throat. She rushed to the bathroom, clinging to the cold porcelain of the toilet as she heaved. Ten weeks, Dr. Coburn had estimated. She should only have a couple more weeks of this before the morning sickness should abate. The tears, she suspected, would last a bit longer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recompense, release and reconciliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize that this took forever, but I hope you enjoy it!

It was well after 2 am when David found himself back at her door. He had paced and cried and broken things. He had tried to sleep. He had tried to watch TV. He had taken a walk. He couldn’t get past his fight with Julia. His initial fury had largely subsided, but the hurt was still there. He didn’t know if they could get through this, but he couldn’t leave it the way he had. He let himself in, moving quietly, and found her passed out on the bed. She was still in her robe and clutching a large bowl – he guessed the nausea hadn’t quite retreated yet. He let his fingers trail lightly over the damp skin of her forehead, brushing back a stray curl that had plastered itself to her flushed face. He didn’t know what it was about her that affected him the way she did, but she had some sort of inexplicable hold on him. No matter how she infuriated him or frustrated him or hid from him, he couldn’t keep away from her. Just hours ago, he’d been sure he never wanted to see her again, and now he was in her bedroom once again. He ran his thumb across her cheekbone softly as he watched her sleep. Angry as he had been with her, he couldn’t help feeling his heart rip in two at the thought of how she must feel, going through all of this alone. He let his hand drop and moved toward the en suite to get a rag for her forehead. As he flicked the light on, a stray item caught his eye – a lone pill bottle on an otherwise immaculate counter. David narrowed his eyes and picked up the bottle. They were vitamins. Prenatal vitamins. As the realization started to sink in, David noticed the small sheet of paper that had been tucked under the bottle. He picked it up, carefully running a finger along the edge as he examined the blurry image, tears stinging his eyes. He placed the ultrasound photo back on the counter and pulled a fresh washcloth from the cabinet and wet it under warm water, wringing it out and shaking it slightly before making his way back into the bedroom. He knelt next to the bed, delicately running the rag across her forehead. Julia’s eyes fluttered open, “David?”  
He smiled wearily, “Hey”  
Both sat in silence for a moment, not sure what to say, until David picked up her hand and brought it to his lips, “I’m sorry, Julia. You didn’t deserve the things I said to you.”  
Julia chuckled mirthlessly and he could see unshed tears glistening in her eyes, “Maybe I did.”  
David tilted her chin up with a finger, “You didn’t. But we still need to talk about this.”  
Julia sighed, “I know. Can it wait until morning? I’m exhausted.”  
David nodded, “Of course.” He started to stand up but paused, feeling a hot tear begin to roll down his cheek as the words lefts his lips, “You kept it.”  
Julia let out a shaky breath, “I did.”  
David looked down at her hand in his, “You tried to tell me – when we fought earlier”, he looked up at her and he knew she could see that he was barely holding it together, “But I just left.”  
She tugged on his hand and pulled the covers back, “Come on, we both need some sleep”  
He shed his clothes and shoes and complied, climbing in and pulling her close to him. She nestled into his side without hesitation, and within what seemed like seconds, David could feel her body relax against him as she was overtaken by sleep.   
David buried his nose in her hair and inhaled deeply, feeling a rush of warmth at the familiar scent of her. He felt whole again when he held her, in a way he hadn’t since before the decline of his marriage. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and finally let himself follow her into sleep.  
*  
When Julia woke, she was without nausea for the first time in weeks; it was as though her reconciliation with David had lifted that burden from her. She stretched, and propped herself on an elbow, David’s arm still heavily draped over her midsection. She took a moment to just look at him in the stillness of the early morning, enjoying the peaceful expression on his face. In these last few moments before he woke, she could just enjoy his presence and pretend none of their problems existed. It was a brief reprieve, as David seemed to sense her wakeful state, his eyes fluttering open slowly to meet hers.   
“Morning…”, she started, hesitantly.  
David smiled in response, tightening his arm around her and pulling her closer, “Morning, Love”, he slid a hand into her hair and kissed her softly, “I really am sorry”  
Julia sighed, resting her head on his shoulder, “So am I. You had every right to be upset.”  
David shook his head, gazing at the ceiling “I took things too far.”  
Julia sat up to look at him properly, “I shouldn’t have hidden this from you. I just…for the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to lose you, but I’ve never been more terrified than I was when I saw that plus sign for the first time.”  
David chuckled, “I don’t know anyone who doesn’t feel that way when they first find out they’re going to be a parent.”  
“David, you know it’s more complicated than that.”  
“I do,” he conceded on a sigh. “But I wish you’d have let me in.”  
Julia smiled at him apologetically, her eyes filled with unshed tears, “I guess we really need to work on our communication skills, don’t we?”  
David took her hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing her knuckles lightly, “Julia, if we don’t learn to trust each other, we’re never going to make this work.”  
Julia nodded and squeezed his hand, “I know, and I do want this to work, David.”  
David pulled her into his lap and kissed her deeply, “All is forgiven?”   
Julia smiled, “All is forgiven.”  
*  
Julia finished brushing her teeth and leaned over to turn the shower on before loosening the tie of her robe. She let it fall open but didn’t immediately drop it to the ground. Instead, she turned to the side, examining herself in the mirror, allowing herself, for the first time, to acknowledge the changes that were already beginning to take place in her body. Her breasts were definitely bigger – she had already had to buy new bras. She let her hands slide down her abdomen – still flat, but she noticed the slightest of bulges beginning below her navel. She sighed, allowing her hand to linger there as she caught sight of David approaching in the mirror. He sidled up behind her, a stupid grin on his face as his hands slipped inside of her robe, his lips caressing her neck as his fingertips grazed the soft skin of her belly before skimming up her side to gently cup her breasts. Julia leaned back into him, enjoying the feel of his hands on her body – finally able to relax into him without feeling the need to conceal herself from him.   
“You’re beautiful”, David murmured into the skin of her neck.  
Julia moaned appreciatively, “We won’t be able to keep our secret for much longer.”  
David hummed in agreement but refused to remove his mouth from her skin for long enough to actually speak. Almost as if to prove her point, he squeezed her tits gently, running his thumbs over her nipples and eliciting a sharp gasp from Julia.  
David looked up at her through her reflection, “You okay? Am I hurting you?”  
Julia covered one of his hands with hers, patting him reassuringly, “You’re not hurting me. They’re just a bit sensitive. That was a good noise.”  
He grinned pressing his mouth to the skin of her shoulder, where he’d nudged the fabric of her robe further down to grant himself more access to her heated skin as one of his hands moved from her breast to slide down between her thighs, eliciting another gasp from Julia. She let her head fall back onto his shoulder and turned to kiss him, one hand sneaking back behind him to grab his ass and pull him closer. David groaned as his already straining erection brushed against her bottom, and without warning, he spun her around and lifted her onto the counter, kissing her briefly before ducking his head to take a peaked nipple into his mouth.   
“Fuck”, Julia grasped his hair to steady herself and pulled him in closer as he teased her, pulling gently with his teeth before soothing the sensitive nipple with his tongue. Just when Julia thought she couldn’t take anymore, he pulled away to move down her body, re-exploring every curve and dip and freckle. The steam from the already running shower caused beads of condensation to form on her skin, and he licked a droplet from between her breasts before tracing a path down her abdomen with his mouth as Julia’s fingers wove themselves more tightly into his hair. He paused to place a kiss on the soft skin just below her navel and she sighed in response, stroking his hair affectionately. David looked up at her then, locking eyes as he dipped his head between her legs and he couldn’t help but smile against her when he heard her gasp as he splayed his hands on the underside of her thighs, spreading her folds with his thumbs, and slowly licked the length of her vulva.   
“God, David” Julia shuddered against him and he flicked the tip of his tongue against her clit before moving lower and slipping it inside of her, Julia’s back nearly arching off the counter at the welcome intrusion. David slid his hands from Julia’s thighs to her hips, holding her in place as he pushed in deeper, moaning as her taste and scent enveloped him. Julia gripped his head almost painfully, spreading her legs farther apart and David pulled them over his shoulders as he continued to lap at her, bringing his thumb down to tease her clit.  
Julia moaned loudly, her legs closing around his head as she came. David remained between her legs, gently licking and kissing her through her orgasm until she reached for him, pulling him to her and cupping his face to kiss him, moaning as she tasted herself on his lips.  
David deepened the kiss, feeling her soft hands sliding up his shoulders and smooth legs wrapping around his waist, his own hands gliding up the silky skin of her thighs to grasp her bottom, lifting her into his arms and slowly lowering her onto his throbbing erection.  
Julia whimpered, tucking her hips against his and tightening her arms around his shoulders, as David carried her into the shower and pinned her against the tiled wall.  
He bit her neck roughly as he began to move against her, both of them already desperately close and David could feel all of the stress, resentment and tension that had built between them dissipating with each thrust. Julia’s fingers dug into his shoulders, gripping him tightly as her orgasm began to wash over her, and David leaned in to meet her lips as his own climax hit. Afterwards, Julia slowly let her legs slide down his until she felt her feet touch the cool, wet floor, she and David still clinging to each other as they gradually recovered from the exertion of their early-morning lovemaking.  
“God, David. What are we going to do?”, Julia hid her face in his neck, suddenly feeling uncharacteristically childlike. She’d never let herself be this vulnerable with anyone - certainly never with Roger. She could only write it off to hormones; she wasn’t ready to think about any deeper implications.  
David sighed, stroking her back affectionately, “I’m not sure, Love. But we’ll figure it out, together.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She had to be up to something, but Roger couldn’t figure out what. Had she discovered that Rob had switched his allegiance and was reporting back to them about her activities? Was she meeting with someone else whom she thought could help further her bid for number 10? Roger couldn’t know, but it seemed like something more than that.

Roger watched Julia. It was something he had done for as long as he could remember. Initially motivated by attraction, then awe, then paranoia as her success began to outpace his own. At this point, it was a matter of habit, with elements of attraction, paranoia and a fair amount of loathing still lingering in the background. He tilted his head, regarding her openly from across the table as she listened to the PM repeat her own words back to her as if they were his own. Something was off about her lately. She was leaving the office earlier. Attending fewer meetings. Rob had reported, dejectedly, that she had cancelled their weekly after-work catch-up sessions. She had to be up to something, but he couldn’t figure out what. Had she discovered that Rob had switched his allegiance and was reporting back to them about her activities? Was she meeting with someone else whom she thought could help further her bid for number 10? Roger couldn’t know, but it seemed like something more than that. He was beginning to sense that there was a physical element to the change in her behavior. An illness, or maybe her love for wine was catching up with her – though Rob had also reported that she’d stopped ordering wine with meals. As he stared across the conference room at her on this particular day, it struck him how different her appearance was from just a few weeks ago. First she’d seemed tired, distracted, weary – adjectives that normally would have no place in a sentence describing the brilliant Julia Montague. Now she was wearing dresses all of a sudden – something she had never been fond of wearing, even when they were married and Roger had requested she wear them. And when Roger’s eyes inevitably drifted to her neckline, he noticed, though she’s making every effort to conceal them beneath her blazer, her breasts are definitely fuller, though the rest of her seems thin as ever – perhaps even more so than usual. She certainly hadn’t had time to get them done, and if she was padding her bra, why hide them under blazers and increasingly high necklines? He narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. He needed to figure out what was going on and either use it against her or find a way to stop her from using it against him. If he could corner her somewhere private, then he was sure he could use his ability to get under her skin to glean some intel. The problem was that damn PPO of hers never left her side. Roger’s eyes narrowed further, shifting their focus from Julia to Sgt. Budd, who was also staring intently at Julia. He was awfully attentive for a man who was just there for a paycheck. If it weren’t for the fact that the two men had instantly hated each other, he may have been quite useful. As it was, he’d have to find a way to prize the two away from each other. Easier said than done, as he knew there was no way Julia would agree to a private meeting. No, he would have to be creative for this to work. A grin spread across his face as the meeting drew to a close and he watched Julia collect her things and motion to her security team that she was ready to head home. He knew just how he would corner her.   
*  
Later that evening…  
David’s mouth was on Julia’s neck and his hand had just dipped under the hem of her nightie when the doorbell rang. They both groaned in unison at the interruption.   
“Fuck!” David threw his head back against the headboard, “Who could possibly be at your door at this hour?”  
Julia sighed, “It’s probably Rob. He’s been begging to come by and go through his notes, but I’ve just not had the energy for him lately.”  
With that she reluctantly rolled off the bed and pulled her silk robe over her shoulders, cinching it loosely at her waist before making her way to the living room.  
She paused and peeked around the door before closing it, “Wait here, I’ll send him off. Just be quiet, for fucks sake. The last thing I need is Rob finding out about us.”  
David nodded and mock saluted her before miming zipping his lips.  
Julia rolled her eyes and closed the bedroom door, heading through the living room and foyer to answer the persistent ringing.  
She flung open the door, “Rob, I-oh,”, Julia paused, clearly caught off guard by this unexpected visitor, “Roger, to what do I owe the displeasure?”, she crossed her arms tightly across her chest, hoping to cover her swollen breasts which she now realized were only thinly concealed beneath the thin silk and lace of her robe and nightie.  
Roger smirked, enjoying her unease, “Aren’t you delightful? We need to have a chat, Julia. I take it you’re not busy”, he raised his eyebrows and let his eyes conspicuously roam her figure, pausing to appreciate the generous cleavage that spilled past the lapels of her robe when she crossed her arms before pushing past her into the apartment.   
Julia took a deep breath, closing the door and trying to keep herself from exploding as she watched Roger peruse her living room.  
“Still haven’t decorated, I see”, he quipped as he wandered down the hall.   
Julia felt a moment of panic as he neared the door to her bedroom, “I don’t recall inviting you in, Roger”  
Roger turned back toward her, visually appraising her once more. Her body was definitely different. She hadn’t put on weight, but her bust was bigger, and her hips seemed a bit more pronounced as well. She stood tersely at the archway that led to the living room, one hand gripping her hip and the other tapping impatiently on the wall. She was nervous.   
His grin widened as he strode back toward her, “You’re my wife, Julia. Do I have to ask permission to see you?”  
Her eyes narrowed as she watched him close the distance between them, “Ex-wife, Roger. I’m not playing this game with you. Tell me what you want or get out.”  
Roger took another step toward her, invading her personal space and placing a hand on the wall above her shoulder, “You haven’t been yourself lately, Julia. We’ve all noticed. Is there something you need to tell me?”  
Julia rolled her eyes, refusing to react to Roger’s attempts at intimidation, “Roger, if I had anything to say to you, you would be among the first people to know. Now if you’d kindly fuck off-“  
“I know you’re hiding something, Julia,” he glowered at her, “as the Chief Whip, I would be remiss not to find out what it is.”  
Julia glared, her back now pressed against the cold wall as he leaned in even closer, “This is a nice nightgown, Julia”, his eyes trailed to her neckline once again, “Have I seen it before?”  
A chill rushed down Julia’s spine, and she hardened her expression, tilting her chin up defiantly, “I don’t know what you’re on about, Roger, but I think it’s time for you to leave”, she made to push off the wall and move past him and was relieved when he let her.  
Roger followed her into the small kitchen, now eyeing the hemline of her robe, barely hitting mid-thigh, but still longer than her nightie, “Do you always get this tarted-up just to go to bed alone? That’s a bit bleak, Julia. Don’t you think?”  
She sighed audibly before turning to face him, “Roger, really. It’s late. I’m tired, and believe it or not, there are a multitude of things I would rather be doing than speaking to you. Shouldn’t you be lurking in some college pub in search of graduate students to leer at?”  
Roger was undeterred, “I told you, Julia, I have a job to do. You’ve been off your game lately, and I’m going to figure out why. It would behoove you to tell me now.”   
Julia straightened her stance and stood her ground, “I have already asked you to leave, Roger. If I have to ask again, I’ll call my PPO to escort you out.”  
“Oh you’d love that, wouldn’t you?” he scoffed, “Don’t worry, I’ve no intention of rousing that brainless oaf you call a protection officer. I’m going, but I will uncover whatever it is you’re up to” he leaned in then and lowered his voice, trying for menacing, but only managing creepy, “I’m sure you’re not foolish enough to do anything that would reflect poorly on the Party.”  
Julia was fuming, though she masked it expertly, “Oh I don’t think you need to worry about that, Roger. In fact, you should probably be more focused on your own problems, like finding a babysitter for your girlfriend on the nights when you stay late at the office” she brushed past him and flung the door open once again, motioning for him to exit, “Now kindly see yourself out before I throw you out myself. You’re not worthy of bothering David over”, she recognized her mistake as soon as his name left her mouth but didn’t let the recognition reach her face, in hopes that Roger had missed it. She felt her stomach drop as Roger tilted his head, fixing her with a thoughtful look, “You two seem awfully familiar already. Better watch that, Julia. You know how people talk.”, with that, he briskly made his exit.  
The moment he crossed the threshold, she slammed the door and bolted it behind him, then spun around and leaned her head back against the wood, taking a moment to calm down before returning to David. At her third deep breath, she heard the bedroom door open and lowered her gaze to see David step out, his jaw clenched and his blue eyes dark and unreadable.  
“He gone?”  
“Finally”, she sighed, “How much did you hear?”  
He chuckled mirthlessly as he approached her, “Enough that it took a level of strength I didn’t know I had to keep from bursting through the door and beating him to death”  
She giggled, leaning in to press her lips to his, “You’d have to get in line”  
David returned her kiss, sliding his hands around her waist and pulling her against himself, protectively.   
“You okay, Julia?”   
“I am now” she breathed, her hands sliding up his chest, “But we need to figure out what to do before Roger does…and we don’t have much time. He already suspects that there’s something between us.”  
David grinned wickedly and pushed his pelvis against hers, letting her feel exactly what was growing between them.  
Julia shoved at his chest, “David I’m serious, this really isn’t the time…” she trailed off as he pressed her against the door, his hands sliding down to cup her ass as his mouth already sliding down her throat toward her cleavage, mumbling his agreement against her skin as he peeled her robe off and let it drop to the floor.   
“God, David…” she let her fingers weave into his hair as he pulled the strap of her nightgown off of her shoulder, exposing more of her sensitive skin to his eager mouth.  
“Seems to me that we’ve already let Roger interrupt us once tonight”, he commented, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to her collar bone, “Are we going to let him ruin our whole evening?”  
Julia whimpered, she wanted to push him away and tell him yes, this does ruin their evening. This is something they need to figure out right now, because both of their careers depend on it. But before she could say anything in response, David’s hand slid under her nightgown, nimble fingers slipping beneath the edge of her knickers and all of her arguments were lost before they could leave her lips.   
“David,” she gasped, “this really isn’t fair. You know I’m hormonal right now.”  
He just laughed, pulling back from her neck, but only to yank the nightie over her head, “I promise we’ll discuss this after, but right now, all of the blood has left my brain, so I’m afraid I wouldn’t be of much help”  
With that, he ripped her knickers off, followed by his own boxer briefs, and thrust into her.


End file.
